When it does eventually come, the internal struggle is over, and then all is calm. Every cell of my body breathes deep sighs of sweet relief, and is suddenly calm.
For a couple days after the shit storm passes, I feel like a new person seeing the world and my life for the first time again. Feeling deep appreciation for every single pain free moment and just being.
I just sit in my yard, looking at my unkept gardens full of weeds because I’ve been neglecting them for days but I’m not overwhelmed by it (as I usually would be) I just look at it take it in. I know I will eventually have to tend to it all but for now I just sit, and basque in my calm.
My body actually tingles as it releases tension, it’s a nervous tingly feeling. In my head I can almost hear it saying “but..but…we like to hold on to it so much we can’t let it go…” and I try hard to breath into that feeling…then let it go as much as I can with my exhale.
I hold onto this slow mode for a couple days, I know soon enough my energy will come back and things will go back to their usual speed. My thoughts, feelings, movements are slow and purposeful and feels like new life has been given back to me.
I feel this way after long periods of depression and not feeling like myself, after migraines that keep me in bed for days, fibromyalgia flares, emotionally charged disagreements with my loved ones, or after overcoming a significant emotional trigger I’ve had to pull myself out of and into the present.
I don’t feel one bit peace during these times, I feel a darkness around everything I am and do. I can’t see that it will get better, and it all seems like too much.
So when I finally do get there, and I can feel some sort of sense of myself again its the deepest sense of relief that for now I feel like me.
These are some things that I find helpful in the aftermath of these trying times:
- Don’t push too far too fast – You will not do yourself any favours by fighting the process of your feelings. I feel relief after its over, but I also feel like I can’t contribute in this world like others do and I am hard on myself. I let myself feel sad for that, cause I am. Sharing these feelings with my loved ones also helps me see the bigger picture and get out of my head.
- Stay in slow mode as long as you can – we are not meant to live life at the speed the world says we should. We are overloaded, over stimulated, and overwhelmed with life and I for one am done trying to keep with it all. Slow, steady, and purposeful is how we stay connected to what matters. The rest will fall away, its not that important to have the well manicured lawn your neighbor does!
- Do something you love – something that makes you feel happy and at peace. A blanket, tea, and a good book on the couch. Having an awesome afternoon nap, nothing beats having a nap that isn’t needed because you feel like shit! Anything that floats your boat, as long as it brings you some calm and happiness.
- Avoid people and things that bring you more stress than not – this is a big theme in my life. I’ve had to let go of ALOT of people and things that are not good for me and my wellbeing for different reasons.
- Surround yourself with positive people and things – what you are reading, watching on tv, hanging out with. Social Media is a big one! If you are scrolling through a feed of negative bull that is not going to help your cause. Unfollow the pages or people that posts are full of negativity OR full of things that may trigger you.